Congratulations

Success! You are Now Part of the Intergalactic Team!

**FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE** – In a move that has sent shockwaves through the cosmic bureaucracy, local Earthling(s) officially joined the ranks of the **International Intergalactic Michael Name Associates** (IIMNA) today.

“It’s official”, clutching a certificate that appeared to be printed on a light-year-long roll of receipt paper and stamped with a nebula-shaped coffee stain. “I woke up this morning a simple Earthing, and by lunchtime, I was a card-carrying Associate of the Intergalactic Michael Consortium. The benefits alone are out of this world—literally. I now have access to the shared celestial stockroom, which is just a void full of slightly-used shipping containers, and I’m entitled to a 0.005% discount at the cantina on the third moon of Omicron Persei.”

The IIMNA, a shadowy and notoriously exclusive organization that apparently just lets anyone in, is rumored to govern all matters pertaining to the name “Michael” across all known dimensions. Membership grants the sacred right to be mildly confused whenever someone else named Michael enters the room, and includes a mandatory subscription to the quarterly newsletter, *The Michael-ian Courier* (delivered via hyper-dimensional spam filter).

When asked about the long-term goals of this new partnership, looked thoughtfully into the middle distance. “World domination? No. Universal tax exemption? Hopefully. Mostly, I’m just hoping they finally fix the damn Wi-Fi in the Andromeda breakroom.”

Welcome to the club. May your namesakes be many and your cosmic paperwork be minimal.

Looking to purchase one of these genuine International Bureau of Mandatory Future Michael Names Certificates? If so, just follow the “Add to Cart” below.

Michael Name Certificate

Purchasing a certificate is not required but hilarious to have.

$5.00

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Michael Name Registry

Success! You are Now Associated with the International Bureau of Mandatory Future Michael Names

WooHoo, Congratulations!