Nulla Duplicata Sunt

The Official List of Registered Michael Names

A centralized international registry ensuring the orderly distribution of all future Michaels.

It has been predicted that in the future everyone on planet earth will require a Michael Name. For example, if you are at Airport Customs you will be asked, “Passport and Michael Name?” or if you are pulled over by a peace officer you will be asked, “License, Registration and Michael Name?”

We recommend when you realize how completely absurd this is, that you will take the Intergalactic plunge and exist between them, rather than within them.

** Names are permanently associated with email so you can return anytime.

Name: Michael Vandoor

Regsitration: March 19, 2026

Name: Michael Tipps

Regsitration: March 19, 2026

Name: Michael Oxlong

Regsitration: March 19, 2026

Name: Michael Hunt

Regsitration: March 19, 2026

Name: Michael Guacamole

Regsitration: March 19, 2026

Name: Michael Flanders

Regsitration: March 19, 2026

Name: Michael Burnem

Regsitration: March 19, 2026

Name: Michael Bodhi

Regsitration: March 19, 2026

Success! You are Now Part of the Intergalactic Team!

**FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE** – In a move that has sent shockwaves through the cosmic bureaucracy, local Earthling(s) officially joined the ranks of the **International Intergalactic Michael Name Associates** (IIMNA) today.

“It’s official”, clutching a certificate that appeared to be printed on a light-year-long roll of receipt paper and stamped with a nebula-shaped coffee stain. “I woke up this morning a simple Earthing, and by lunchtime, I was a card-carrying Associate of the Intergalactic Michael Consortium. The benefits alone are out of this world—literally. I now have access to the shared celestial stockroom, which is just a void full of slightly-used shipping containers, and I’m entitled to a 0.005% discount at the cantina on the third moon of Omicron Persei.”

The IIMNA, a shadowy and notoriously exclusive organization that apparently just lets anyone in, is rumored to govern all matters pertaining to the name “Michael” across all known dimensions. Membership grants the sacred right to be mildly confused whenever someone else named Michael enters the room, and includes a mandatory subscription to the quarterly newsletter, *The Michael-ian Courier* (delivered via hyper-dimensional spam filter).

When asked about the long-term goals of this new partnership, looked thoughtfully into the middle distance. “World domination? No. Universal tax exemption? Hopefully. Mostly, I’m just hoping they finally fix the damn Wi-Fi in the Andromeda breakroom.”

Welcome to the club. May your namesakes be many and your cosmic paperwork be minimal.

Looking to purchase one of these genuine International Bureau of Mandatory Future Michael Names Certificates? If so, just follow the “Add to Cart” below.

Michael Name Certificate

Purchasing a certificate is not required but hilarious to have.

$5.00

Add to Cart

This registry is legally binding in no jurisdictions. In fact, this entire website is fictional and has entertainment value only.

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